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23 July 2016 @ 12:19 am
You need to sleep so bad. Please don't think there's anything wrong with it.
30 August 2015 @ 05:37 pm
How do you define "true love"? Have you ever been in love? If you're currently with someone you love, how's the relationship going?
True love is realizing you can not give up on someone even when things get rough.
26 January 2015 @ 09:17 am
I have a really bad feeling. I didn't sleep at all last night and it hurts right into the bottom of my heart.

I hope I have the strength to get us through this.

I love you Nick. I only want the best.
29 July 2014 @ 05:37 pm
I write to remember.

"i just love going out with you. You're so clean and pretty and womanly. You're so soft. ....and that's why you're my girl."

News flash, I live with Nick Amato now. I love it. I love him. Our cats like each other. Mooch is getting chubby.

By the way, we moved to California and drove all the way here. It was arguably the longest and most freeing journey I have ever been on.
19 February 2014 @ 11:44 am
You gave me a life I never chose.
I want to leave but the world won't let me go.
24 December 2013 @ 12:30 pm
Waking up today felt like a hot poker in my eye.
22 December 2013 @ 12:42 pm
It's almost Christmas. I am officially a college graduate. It's 70 degrees and the sun is coming out. I have a fur blanket and a loaded bong.

Last night, I had a dream. In an unfamiliar place, under some sort of sadness, I was laying in bed sleeping in my sleep. I felt a nudge. And another one. I opened my eyes, Greg was standing over me. He was telling me to move over or something and I was hesitant, probably because I couldn't decipher what state of consciousness I was actually in. He was wearing the usual getup. Grey t-shirt, jeans, black sneakers, and a black hoodie. I don't think he took the shoes off. He just pushed me over and crawled under the covers next to me. I just remember feeling my heart sink a little, then lovingly putting my arms around him and falling back to sleep.

Then reality.
07 November 2013 @ 03:31 pm
As of today, I am two weeks and two days away from completing my degree. This feels like a great accomplishment, though I have some daunting tasks ahead to complete this final pinch.

This depression is gradually weakening me every day. It's a struggle to get out of bed, to stay awake, to motivate myself toward some form of normalcy. Sleep to me is what I imagine heroin is to the junkie. It feels so good and I get so lost in it. Sleep doesn't feel like a waste of time because my mind is very active.

Lucid dreaming does not occur in everyone. I was quite surprised to learn that most people do not recall their dreams. Even more surprising, is to hear that pot heads don't dream. Not true!

It's seriously ripping me apart, to have dreams like I did last night. I have been so good at trying to forget Greg that now only my subconscious puts him back into my head. Dreaming, in a way, is better than living. Arms wrapped around each other, smiling in harmony, and feeling wanted. That's so much better than my grey reality.
01 November 2013 @ 12:24 am
Another crappy Halloween.

This whole never leaving the house and never eating thing is starting to drive me nuts. Aside from physically feeling weakened and sick, my brain is starting to stutter.

I wish I could afford to go grocery shopping regularly, or to at least buy healthy things when I do shop. Unfortunately, being off unemployment yet still being unemployed does just that.

If this is my reality, which I don't think is all that bad in comparison to others, I can't even imagine what those at the bottom of the barrel are doing to get by. At least I still have my apartment, my car, and all of my things. My cat is eating better than I am these days.
27 October 2013 @ 11:43 pm
I love your baby face.

I love your man face.